Hi friends,
As you know, I’ve recently hired a coach to help me with my mindset blocks.
It’s been going well as we’ve been diving deep into my authentic self and what that looks like. During last week’s call, my coach pointed out something I didn’t even realize I was doing.
I kept telling her, “I need to work on my self-confidence, and I need to work on self-trust.” And then she told me, “You need to stop telling yourself that you need to work on this because you’re telling your subconscious that you’re not that person yet.”
I kept telling myself that I was not there yet by thinking that I still needed to work on it.
But in reality, you can be (or are) that person already.
If you want to be that person who is confident, peaceful, joyful, and successful, you are already that person.
After all, these are all feelings, and you can access them right now. For example, if you want to feel peaceful, do something that makes you at peace, like going for a walk. If you want to feel successful, you can buy yourself a cup of cappuccino since successful people can afford a cappuccino.
So there’s no need to “work on” it.
Instead, you can tell yourself, “I’m confident. I can trust myself to do hard things.”
When you do this, your mind can create a new thought pattern where it believes that you’re already that person, and you’ll start doing things out of your comfort zone.
This is quite similar to what James Clear talks about in his book, Atomic Habits.
If you haven’t read it, he says that the most effective and long-lasting way to change your actions is by changing your identity and beliefs about yourself.
If you identify as a confident person, you’ll start doing things a confident person would do. If you identify yourself as a writer, you’ll be more likely to show up at your desk and write.
So, by learning to monitor what you tell yourself throughout the day, you can figure out who you are and are becoming.
If you constantly tell yourself, “I’m so stupid. I’m unattractive. I’m terrible at this.” Guess how that will manifest in your day-to-day life?
That’s right. You’ll keep doing “stupid things.” People will find you unattractive. And you’ll definitely not get better at the thing you’re trying to be good at.
Because it all starts with your thoughts and what you tell yourself.
So the next time you decide to criticize yourself, be very careful and figure out a way to change it into something that won’t be harmful to you and your self-esteem.