how I move with grace even when life is chaotic

things you can do today to have internal peace

Lately, life has been a bit more peaceful, but here’s the kicker:

nothing has changed in my life.

I have the same responsibilities as a mom, a wife, and a never-ending list of projects. I do Pilates and Yoga at least once a week. I do groceries and cook. Sometimes, I take my 6-month-old Ella to a baby program at a local library so she can spend some time with other babies.

But somehow, I've still managed to spend time writing, make videos, and do self-care here and there.

Lately, I've been learning how to move with grace, even though, on paper, life looks chaotic.

Here are some things that have been working for me.

1. Have a guiding principle

Because I wear so many hats at home, I needed an easy framework to use to make decisions.

So, I created a guiding principle for how to prioritize things throughout the day. Right now, this is mine:

Being a mom > Taking care of myself > Being a wife > Writing > Everything Else

In real life, this is what it looks like:

I wake up around 6 am to feed my baby and put her back to sleep. Then, instead of going back to sleep, I stay up and work on one project, usually writing, like I'm doing right now. Once Ella wakes up for the day, mom mode is fully on. I don't think about work.

I go out for a walk while Ella’s strapped to me first thing in the morning, which counts as 'taking care of myself' because walking with a 15 lb. baby is hard. During this walk, I let her soak in nature, and I get my thinking time. I'll brainstorm ideas or reflect on something that's been bothering me.

When we get home, I feed her and then we play until it's time for her nap.

During her nap, I do either housework like cooking or work on a personal project that excites me. I consider cooking part of being a wife since ‘acts of service’ is my primary love language, so cooking triumphs work.

With this guiding principle, I've avoided the mom guilt, being confused about what to prioritize, and the guilt when I just want to rest.

If you're always overwhelmed by things you need to do, figure out what matters to you and use that as a guiding principle. If you're in your wellness era, maybe prioritizing your health first thing in the morning is something you need to do.

If you're in your side hustle era, maybe that's putting an alarm to work on your project for 1 hour every day (ideally, at the same time).

When you look at your tasks through the lens of your guiding principle, it's easier to make decisions and, therefore, take action.

2. Label the feeling in your body

When I think about my creative work, I often feel doubtful and confused.

And when I have 30 tasks pending in front of me, I get overwhelmed.

But instead of numbing these feelings by scrolling on social media (which we all know makes us feel worse), I've been learning to lean into it by labelling the feeling.

I learn what 'doubt' or 'overwhelm' feels like in my body, and I try to label it in some shape or form. For example, being overwhelmed feels like a ‘gush of a waterfall’ within me.

Once I have this image, I sit on it. I tell myself, "Okay, this is what overwhelm feels like. I'm okay with this. I'm safe." And sometimes, if I want to take it further, I'll ask myself, "What do I need to do about this waterfall to make me feel calm?" And I'll get an answer like, "Maybe I can slow down the waterfall. Instead of gushing, I can imagine it with a slow stream."

And soon enough, I feel better.

Our mind is quite powerful. You can literally imagine things, and it'll have an effect on your body.

Most times, we can use our mind and breath to down-regulate our nervous system. By doing this, you can almost instantly feel better.

Anyway, I do this with all kinds of 'negative' feelings like doubt, anger, and sadness. Sometimes, I journal. But I've been practicing 'labelling and sitting with it.' The most important thing is to create space for it in your mind and your body.

After a while, it becomes easier to lean into the 'negative' feeling and know it's just a feeling. And once you know this, it's easier to move towards your goals.

3. Have a mantra

When I used to work in the Emergency Department, I would juggle 10 different tasks at once. One moment, I'm giving an IV to a patient, the next, I'm serving breakfast to another patient, and the next, I'm doing an ECG on a patient who’s complaining of chest pain.

It feels like a lot, but the one thing that truly helped me in those busy times was telling myself, "One task at a time. One task at a time."

It helped me focus in the moment because I can't afford to make any mistakes in the ED.

As a new mom, I always have 10 tasks waiting for me, whether it's cooking or making baby pureés. Even though the stakes are lower than working in the ED, they're still quite important.

So my mantra these days is, “I’m only 1 person. I can only do 1 thing at a time.”

When I use this mantra, I notice that I'm much kinder to myself, even if I don't finish everything I want to do.

Because when you know you did everything you could to the best of your ability, you feel more at peace.

4. Summon your inner child

When I was in grade 5, I'd print the lyrics of a song I liked because I couldn't learn lyrics just by listening to the song.

I actually had to read the lyrics. I'd have different physical folders (because this was the early 2000s) organized by different bands. Then I became an adult, and I somehow internalized that learning lyrics, no matter how fun it is, is a waste of my time.

But sometimes, wasting time in a fun way is exactly what you need. We’re not robots after all.

So lately, I’m learning to summon my inner child more. I decided to learn the lyrics of songs I listen to because it sucks that I can't sing along to them. And the fact that my husband makes fun of me when I get the words wrong.

This week, I learned the lyrics of the song Si Antes Te Hubieras Conocido by Karol G. It's a fun song about a person who’s in love with someone who’s already taken. And yes, I mostly listen to Latin music.

So, what's something unproductive but fun that you can inject into your life right now? Maybe it's watching a show in a different language. Or maybe it's baking. Or gardening. Or it’s making origami.

Whatever it is, make sure it's something you're excited about and don't overthink that it has to be something productive.

Final Thoughts

As a mom and content creator, I realize my day-to-day life will always be chaotic.

But I also realized that I don't have to feel chaotic all the time. I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions, and it's my job to dissect them and figure out how to spin them so that life feels more at peace.

Even with a chaotic life, you can move with grace.

If you enjoyed reading this, share it with a friend.

I appreciate you being here,

J 💜